Defining your Ideal Customer Profile (or ICP) is one of the most important decisions an early stage...
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Novice listeners think about what to say while others speak. Moderately skilled listeners listen for content and respond to what’s being said. Professionals who’ve mastered the skill know how to pay attention to the vast amount of information being shared. They listen to fully understand, ask questions and make the other party feel understood in the process.
Here are the 17 different ways one can listen:
1. Content Listening: Listening to what someone is saying to gather basic information, like name or job title. This is only listening to the information shared without thinking about what it means. This type of listening is great for data collection.
2. Tone and Inflection: Listening to how someone is sharing information to determine their emotional state or the intended meaning behind their words. Do they use more intensity on certain topics or words? Make a note of that.
3. Tempo: Listening to the pace at which someone is speaking, whether fast or slow, to understand their communication style or level of urgency. Mirroring and matching tempo is a great way to build rapport without having to talk about the weather.
4. Lingo: Listening for specific words or phrases that someone uses to understand their interests, background and level of experience. Notating specific words used to reference a particular subject can help you ask questions like: “When you say X, what do you mean?” You can also use the same words when referring to the same subjects later in the conversation, instead of using your preferred lingo.
5. Value System: Listening to someone's values and beliefs to understand their personality type so you can speak in “their” language. A belief is a sense of certainty about something, so trying to change someone’s belief will only create uncertainty in a conversation instead of building rapport or trust. Here are four common value systems to listen for. If a person:
- Talks fast, is loud and dominates a conversation, they’re likely to be an “A-type” personality. Their belief system says it’s good for them to be in charge and in control. If you’re communicating with this personality type, allow them to lead the conversation.
- Asks detailed and factual questions, their belief system says they have to analyze all the data before making a decision to ensure they’re making the right decision, based on data. They fear being wrong or blindsided. With this personality type, share facts, figures and collateral.
- Has a calm and nurturing tone, is a great listener, and asks questions around impact to others, their belief system is cause-oriented. This means they make decisions based on how something will contribute or impact another person, or group of people. With this personality type focus on knowing how they’re visualizing impact + contribution for other parties involved and who those parties are.
- Has great social skills, laughs a lot, and is playful, their belief system is centered around working with others in a way that provides ease and isn't boring. With this personality type, share information in an entertaining way and avoid lengthy presentations. Also note that this personality type is easily excitable as a baseline, so don’t confuse enthusiasm with the desire to take action.
7. Learning System: Listening for someone's preferred learning style, whether visual , auditory, kinesthetic, or calculator to effectively share information in a way that best suits them. This will allow them to grasp more of the content being shared. Here is a summary of the four common learning systems:
- Visual- a visual learner that is often loud in their speech. They will use language like "I see, I can picture that, let’s examine". With this kind of learner, share information in a visual format that’s easy to digest. Avoid lengthy text or speech.
- Auditory- auditory learners speak with resonance and intention. They’re selective in their words and take more pauses. They use language like "I hear you on that”. This is the kind of learner that would prefer listening to an audio book over reading a book. Share more information in a conversational format, ask more questions and avoid lengthy slide decks or unnecessary visual aids.
- Kinesthetic- kinesthetic learners speak slowly and often quietly. They use language like "I feel you" and you can visibly see them using their body to speak. Sometimes you can see their lips move without any words coming out. With this kind of learner, use language like “how does that feel?” and if possible, have them experience the information you’re trying to share (i.e. have them click through your software for themselves).
- Calculator- Calculators are very fact-based and want information without other’s interpretations. They will ask very detailed questions and are the type of person that will read the entire Terms of Service agreement on a software before clicking “I agree”. With this kind of learner, ask them what information is important for them to have and answer their questions directly. Share information in an organized way and don’t leave out any details. A Calculator learner will genuinely need to think about a topic before making a decision, instead of using “I need to think about it” as an excuse. They need time to digest information on their own, unassisted.
7. Areas of Avoidance, Anger, or Anxiety: Listening for areas where someone may avoid a topic or become agitated. This will allow you to understand their triggers and how to approach those topics in conversation. Avoidance, anger, and anxiety are fight or flight states. They happen when we feel a sense of threat, discomfort or feel unsafe. If these emotions are present around, note those as topics of concern. In a sales process for example, these emotions could arise when the pricing conversation comes up. In customer service, these emotions may arise when a person is experiencing a problem or has unmet expectations.
9. Areas of Excitement, Empathy, or Emotion: Listening for areas where someone may become enthusiastic or emotional helps us understand their passions and interests. Any emotions that create arousal in the system are worthy to take note of, as long as these emotions deviate from your established baseline (i.e the person isn’t generally excited about everything).
10. Types of Questions Asked: Listening to the types of questions someone asks to understand their thought process, understanding of what’s being shared, and how they approach problem-solving. What questions would you expect someone listening to you to ask about the topics being shared at a specific point of the conversation? Are those the questions they’re asking? Why or why not? Questions drive focus and determine where your prospect’s focus is.
11. Affirmative Language: Listening for affirmative language to understand when someone is in agreement or is understanding what is being communicated. This is what we call “you get me, or you get it” language. Most people in sales think “yes” is the magic word, but it’s actually language like “that's right", "you got it" , "exactly!" that tells you the person feels understood & that they have conveyed their message successfully. More importantly, they deem you as competent and someone who fully understands them.
12. Comprehensive Listening: Listening to fully understand someone's message and perspective, rather than listening to respond. This means confirming any assumptions, regardless of how informed they might be. Using questions like “I’m assuming you’re asking this because of X, is that right?” will help show your prospect that you’re committed to understanding them.
13. Avoiding Biased Listening: Listening without selectively hearing and interpreting information in a way that aligns with your pre-existing beliefs, assumptions, or prejudices. This means allowing the person to fully explain the problem even if you think you know what their issue is because you have heard other customers complain about the same topic numerous times. In sales, this means not jumping on “buying cues” immediately after someone expresses a problem or interest in your product.
14. Their Listening of You: Pay attention to how they listen to the conversation. Are they interrupting you? Are they fully attentive or are they distracted? People listen intently to information that’s valuable, interesting, entertaining, of high priority or from someone they respect. If your prospect is distracted, it tells you the information needs to be shared differently.
15. Therapeutic Listening: Listening without judgment or interruption to allow someone to vent or express their feelings in a safe environment. In personal relationships, this means allowing a friend to talk about their struggle without providing advice or relate what they’re saying to a similar experience you’ve had, i.e. hijacking the conversation. In a professional setting, this means allowing the other person to express their emotions or frustrations and acknowledging their experience before trying to address the issue.
16. Reflective/Feedback Listening: Listening and providing feedback or reflection to confirm understanding or provide a different perspective. This kind of listening makes a person feel heard. Reflective listening sounds like: “What I’m hearing you say is…” or “It sounds like you’re really frustrated about X”, “It seems like you’re experiencing Y” , “I’m noticing X and Y when you talk about Z” .
17. What’s Not Being Said: Paying attention to what’s left out of the conversation. These are areas either intentionally being avoided to withhold information, or often show the experience level on the topic or subject being discussed.
Professionals understand that if they’re listening to respond, rather than to understand, they miss out on key information in a conversation. Further, they understand that great listeners create an environment where the other party feels comfortable sharing more information.
This is why master communicators are often only doing 20% to 30% of the speaking, typically in the form of asking questions, sharing content, or telling stories, while spending the majority of the conversation listening. Listening is the number one skill I’ve observed in successful communicators, leaders and sales people.
To improve your listening skills, pick a short video and use each of the listening levels listed above to see how much information you can pick up from the same conversation when you focus on each type of listening.
